There’s been Christmas, a new year, a new DECADE, a global pandemic (practically…) and another series of Love Island since I signed out of all my social media platforms in December.
It honestly doesn’t feel like 3 months at all, WHERE THE HECK HAS THE TIME GONE?
But, the weirdest thing is how easy and simple life has become without using social media. I didn’t even miss it.
So, why did I do it?
The main reason I chose to step away from the internet was purely and simply because I didn’t want anyone looking into my life anymore. I didn’t even know if I would just be gone for a couple of weeks or if I’d ever come back. I genuinely didn’t know.
I also couldn’t keep posting things where I looked happy, because the reality was, I was far from happy and it just felt false.
There’s nothing people hate more than not knowing what people are doing, and that sense of freedom and not being tied to take photos of my breakfast at every angle and get a snap of my outfit when I’m not feeling like it has been incredible. I go out now and simply enjoy life. I have no pressing burden of having to get that shot or having to keep liking everyone else’s photos in the hope they’ll like mine back.
Initially it was hard. I felt like a piece of my heart had been carved out. lols. But in all honestly, I was in such a low place that I just needed a break from the continual buzz from social media. Looking back at my accounts, my posts started to become increasingly more negative which is just not, and has never been me.
If you know me well I am the person that says ‘omg this is the best thing ever’ about 100 different things that day. That is me. And I so desperately wanted to get back to that.
If you think negative things it’s impossible to feel good, and I just had to get out of that mindset and social media was doing everything to fuel that and it had been for a while. What with so many life changes that happened in 2019, I needed to actively do something to change things.
I just needed a clean break that represented peace, thinking time and the calming feeling that no one could easily contact me.
It’s been 3 utter months of bliss. It’s proven that I can take a step back for myself if I need to, I no longer have that unbreakable tie with my phone. If I want to leave my phone at home for a day, I do.
From taking a step back from my own phone, when I’ve been out and about I’ve realised just how many people use their phone as their comfort blanket. It’s the one thing that’s always there for you. It’s used in moments of peoples anxiety as a buffer, it’s perfect for filling that time whilst you’re waiting in a queue, and it’s perfect for pretty much any waking moment.
What that’s actually called is a dependency and it’s not healthy. It’s not being able to go through your day without reaching for that phone. That same instinctive feeling is likened to people that find themselves reaching for cigarettes. It’s a hugely powerful addiction which is stopping us from engaging and enjoying real life. And that WAS me.
So, why have I decided to come back? I’ve had time to consolidate things that have happened over the last year, and I feel like I’m in a completely different starting point to where I was towards the end of last year. Actually, I can’t believe how I feel in comparison to last year.
I kinda miss sharing snippets from my day, I miss wanting to buy everything from Hannah Gale’s wardrobe and the latest Nakd bar flavour that’s hit the shelves. I want to feel reconnected to people again that I don’t see everyday in my life.
It’s made me look at social media in a new way. I’m going to spend time curating my feed so it only includes the positivity and vibes that motivate me on my journey and I’m probably going to switch up the things I post and how I post them.
But really? I’ve missed writing so so much. The blogging break was also 100% necessary for me, but the absence of my fingers tapping away on the keyboard talking about things that literally pour out of me is the essence of my life.
The reason I love writing so much is how much it resonates with me when I look back on posts I’ve written, especially ones I have drafted and never posted.
I wrote a really raw post in November that I will probably never post, but reading it made me realise how far I have come in the last few months and how feelings really are temporary. Nothing is permanent in life and each day is an improvement on your last. Baby steps is all it’s about. A little more movement in the right direction each day.
I’m now at that place when I look back and think wow, I got through that, how? There is no other way to form life experiences than living through them. The good and the bad.
I know I’ve probably said this like 300 times on my blog before. But, I am back. 2020 it’s shaping up to be a great one.