Is It Possible To Have Everything And Still Feel Lost?

It honestly feels like a lifetime since I gave myself some time to sit down in front of my MacBook and just write.

I have missed it.

Without airing the laundry that’s been left in the machine all weekend forgetting it’s been there (Isn’t that the worst?), there have been some big life changes that have happened in the last month that have started to make me evaluate literally EVERYTHING in my life.

How can it be that when you feel like you have everything, as soon as one thing subsides, everything else starts collapsing too? Was that perfect life really all you ever wanted before?

At the beginning of last month I did something I never vowed I would do in my life. I had a palm reading. I felt like this crossroads in my life was the perfect time to just do it and deal with the consequences, hopefully not to be told I’d die by the time I was 40.

I was shaking by the time I came out of the palm reading with a man that can only be described as someone who had arisen from their coffin and splutters dust when they talk. Legit.

Did he tell me anything I didn’t know? I was shocked by some of the things he did know. I think he put me at peace with the decisions I have made, and that I am already on the right path for what I want to achieve. He was so right that there are a lot of big changes happening in my life at the moment.

The next steps I make are the ones that lay my foundations. FO’ SURE.

I’m still slightly skeptical about palm readings as a whole. I think you can make a lot of assumptions based on a person that you see across the street or order a coffee at your local Starbucks. Albeit it was nice to get a little bit of validation, but it’s not something I’m going to let influence me.

Having said that, I guess it’s been since then that I’ve started evaluating the bigger picture.

It’s only taken one shift in my life for a chain of events to start happening and unravelling.

What actually makes me happy? What do I want from life? What sort of people do I need in my life? What situation or location in the world will allow me to thrive and bloom into the person that I can be? Ok, so I want to be a doctor now kind of career change?

All the questions.

I guess it’s a strange feeling that you can appear to have everything in life but still feel lost? I feel like I’m drifting through the days with no real purpose, no destination and no clasp on reality. What is normality? I have no normality in my life at the moment and it’s both thrilling, scary and a little bit upsetting at times.

It’s the type of uncertainty that makes me want to lock myself in my apartment for a weekend with nothing but Christmas candles, Harry Potter and giant chocolate buttons.

Some rain against the windows would be nice too.

It’s fair to say I’ve had the calm before the storm and the beautiful storm is here now. It’s wreaking havoc, I’ve lost, I’ve gone through every stage of heartbreak, anxiety, weight loss and I’m slowly coming out of the other side.

With that side is the conclusion that all I want to do in my life moving forward is to do things for myself. I need to find out what makes me happy and run for it.

We only have one life, and whilst the perfect storm is happening, I know I will find myself again.

It’s perfectly OK to appear and actually have everything, a perfect career, be financially stable, a beautiful home that you own and have lots of lovely things, but it’s also OK to say, this no longer serves me and walk away from it all.

Being a basic millennial means that I get itchy feet, I get bored, I’m always looking for the next challenge and to better myself day by day. Relatable?

With what has been my current life I know exactly where I’m going to be in 5 years time. But where the hell could I be with the changes that have happened/are happening now?

I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m excited that the best days of my life are yet to come and I’m going to truly go to town with manifestation and openly hold my arms open to the opportunities, places and people that present themselves to me.

We cannot become what we want by remaining what we are.

I’m back.