Ok. So I started writing this post when I was on a cruise last summer and it’s only as I’ve been having a blog planning session and reassessing my vision that I stumbled upon this half written post in one of my 67 half used notebooks and couldn’t not publish it.
I’ve genuinely missed writing list posts and I still remember writing my controversial, but humorous post on the things that only happen on an all inclusive holiday. I still laugh about that post now because everything literally is TRUE.
If you’ve never been on a cruise before then maybe this will sway your opinion of them, and if you have been on a cruise before I bet you’ll be able to relate to every single one…
1.You come to the conclusion that you actually hate people. You hate coughing, you hate people talking, you hate being sat on tables in the evening with people, ugh why are people so rude? And that’s only on a 3 day cruise. Good luck with a 2 week cruise!
2.You board your cruise on the first day as a passenger and leave as cargo. No, seriously. Next time you’re clothes shopping for a cruise remember to size up 1 or 2 because you certainly won’t be fitting into your clothes by the end.
3. In all seriousness is 5 cakes at the afternoon tea buffet enough? What about the man on the table next to you that feels it appropriate to wrap 8 cookies up in a paper napkin to take back to the room like he ain’t ever gonna eat again? I like his style.
4. After the evening theatre show you rush back to your cabin to see what towel animal is wearing your sunglasses this time round. Proceed to take at least 10 photos of it that you’ll never look at again.
5. The cabin bathroom? Don’t go there. Don’t bother taking a razor on the cruise as there isn’t any room to manoeuvre in the shower to shave your legs. Then every single move you make in the shower is so calculated so your body doesn’t touch the shower curtain, ugh.
6. The stairs. You’re only in your (*insert age*) but feel like, no, your knees definitely gave way and you can’t even catch your breath climbing 5 flights of stairs to get to the restaurant. Because that’s the only reason you’ll ever go to the 14th floor.
7. Having your family of four trailing behind you each carrying a tray with food from the restaurant like a school trip because you’ve walked round the entire restaurant 4 times and there still isn’t a god damn seat.
8. Wait, cruise ships don’t have a 13th floor? It doesn’t matter how many cruises you’ve been on the mind is still blown. As soon as you can get yourself onto some WIFI that doesn’t cost approximately 16749p per second on the cruise you’ll find out that it’s actually a thing! Cruise providers have superstitions too ya’ know.
9. Every time you get ready for a black tie evening you legit feel like you’re Rose from the titanic. Was this really how it felt?
10. It’s a day at sea, you’re sailing back home to the UK but you’re determined to make the most of your last day of getting a tan. Through gale force winds, sea fog and a high of 10 degrees you remain there in your bikini soaking up the last of the rays. Thou shall not admit defeat.
11.You’ve worked out that the biscuits in your room get restocked if they get ‘eaten’ so you proceed to putting the packets in your suitcase each day and end up taking home 50 packets of biscuits collectively as a family. Well something gotta fuel that post cruise appetite, huh?
Tempted? Whilst the above is almost 100% accurate, I wouldn’t have it any other way, cruises are life! Have you been on a cruise before?