Please forgive me for sounding like a broken record with ‘I Quit My Job‘ blah, blah, blah. But it’s been a huge life changing and life affirming event for me, of course I want to talk about it. And as my blog content continues to evolve again, it’s becoming more evident that this is now a place for my innermost thoughts and experiences.
So I’m approaching 3 weeks in my new job now and 4 weeks since I left my old job. The burning building. The prison. Whatevs you wanna call it.
How am I doing?
I have to be honest with you here, I already don’t recognise the person I was when I left the office that Friday.
I’m finally starting to connect the dots and make conclusions on what happened there, and how it actually fucked me up.
It was at the end of last week that I realised I hadn’t had ANY stomach pains for 2 weeks. The only time I had ever felt this good was when I was on a 2 week holiday. Like HELLO, no crippling stomach pains and not having to sleep with a hot water bottle tied to my stomach every night, what dis?
Turns out that that consultant 3 years ago was right.
‘You need a new job and a really long holiday’.
I remember leaving the appointment with tears burning at the back of my eyes, threatening to tumble down whilst I was facing this man that I hated. How dare he. He didn’t know anything, I was still clutching at straws and wishing to be diagnosed with anything, something at least.
I cried that whole night. I was at my wits end, I couldn’t bare feeling like this anymore. I felt like I was watching my life unfold from outside of my body. But deep down, I think I knew he was right.
He was right. I can honestly hold my hands up and say that this is the best I have felt in years, not months or weeks. That makes me sad that I couldn’t identify what was making my existence miserable and sick, yet I just repressed it once again. I could have done something about it.
But with anything in life, I believe you have to go through the processes. Some are longer than others, but they all teach us something.
I STILL have that person at the back of my head that mutters ‘you aren’t good enough’, I imagine it like breaking an addiction of smoking 30 a day. It ain’t easy. But it’s getting easier. To feel valued and respected and to be able to do what I do is life changing. To be doing something I love and to work with some of the best people I have ever met and known is a wonderful, yet alien thing to me.
I didn’t think a happy working life existed.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve said to my mum ‘I just can’t believe this is my job/life now’.
To what my mum always replies is ‘but you so deserve it’. And I need to start remembering this. Because I really do.
I slaved away for 3 years working full time in a job I hated to then come home and continue working on my own dreams. 3 years later those dreams have become a reality.
The days and weeks have got longer. I no longer wish for every weekend to come around, because I’m truly excited for what each new day brings.
As my quality of life has gone from a low 2 to a 9, of course my life has changed, and it’s certainly taking me time to adjust. It’s like comparing Walt Disney World to your local fair. Can’t.
So one month from now, I’ll be unrecognisable again. Not taking any shit from anyone, doing what I love and being the best version of myself. Because I can now. You design your own life!
Photography: Georgia Megan
T-shirt – New Look
Jacket – New Look
Skirt – ASOS
Boots – Miss Selfridge via ASOS
Bag – Boohoo