They say that nothing worth having in life is easy, and there’s no truer words that have ever been spoken.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for over 6 years now, and not one year of that has ever been easy. But yet here I still am. Still waiting for that day when I don’t have to say goodbye again.
I like to keep my relationship very private and away from prying eyes. There really is no reason for me to parade it around on social media. We’re happy, we know we’re both happy, and there really is no need to share that with anyone.
I’ve always thought it’s the ones who prolifically share every stage of their relationship that never end well, and that usually is the case. Like what are you trying to prove? You both had a kiss this afternoon, your boy did good – what do you want, a medal?
So, that’s firstly why you’ll never see me talking about James much. There isn’t any need to.
James and I met at uni in our first year, it was 6 months later that I then said farewell for our first year apart as I went to uni in Finland. This was by far the hardest year of my life. I would never have survived without his unwavering support on the end of FaceTime.
As the year rolled on, and the stints of time apart got easier, we were soon back together at uni in our final year.
But as the third year drew to a close we both went back to our family homes – a 5 hour train journey that still separates us now.
I mean, I guess each time we are apart it gets easier than the last. It’s all I’ve known for the past 6 years. The longest time we ever went without seeing each other was FIVE months, but we now see each other a few weekends each month.
But every time I wave goodbye, and have that final glimpse of James before he boards his train a part of me shatters, waiting to be rebuilt the next time we see each other. It’s similar to a stinging nettle sting, not that painful, but it can still be felt hours later.
Every Sunday is spent knowing that he will be leaving later that day. Feeling on edge and wondering how I’ll cope another week without him. Wondering when this long distance thing will end. Wanting to savour every last minute we have together.
It’s that time apart that’s the worst. A worrier and over thinker at the best of times, the reality of our relationship and the things I make up in my head distorts the reality, it’s like I’m sitting from the sidelines of our relationship, passively watching what is happening, but not being in control.
As soon as we’re back together, its fine, it always was fine – the absence is what kills me inside.
You have to be a certain person to be in a LDR, and no LDR will ever last or continue if that unwavering love isn’t there. You both have to seriously want it to work, and that’s just it. Many people doubted it at the start, ‘long distance relationships never work’.
But until you’re in something as powerful and passionate, no amount of time can separate it.
When things in life aren’t so rosy, it tests the strongest of people, as it has over the last month. BUT what about the good?
My year in Finland was spent writing letters, filled with excitement when the postman turned up each day to see if a new letter had arrived. Tearing open the envelope to read the words that filled the page.
Buying a new postcard each time he visited and writing a special note for each other before we separated.
Travelling to Lapland together on a once in a lifetime holiday, with memories together that will never be forgotten.
Sending me acne treatments in the post to Finland when even I couldn’t love myself or my reflection anymore. Cleaning up my sick and looking after me at my lowest and sickest.
Standing up for me when I cannot do it anymore. Sleeping on the airport floor and waiting for me to arrive. Jumping on the train when I need you more than ever.
Letting me have that one last slice of your dominos, because you’re the most selfless person I know.
Our time together is simply a number, it doesn’t mean anything, as do the miles that separate us.
It’s those truly amazing memories and experiences that we have together that do matter. Our life together is dictated by memories and happiness, not the money, jobs or fancy things we do or don’t have.
Long distance love is different, we don’t see each other everyday, but it’s the most powerful and strongest love there is.
I now know it won’t be long until we can start our next chapter of our lives TOGETHER, in Plymouth.
Our life and love together so far has been a rollercoaster, but it’s all about the highs and lows and sticking together no matter what. To me that is love, bringing out the best in each other and staying even when the going gets tough.
I’m counting down the days.